Deceptionist

often we felt dicontented,sorrowness,hurt
it felt as thought it was suffocating me.
we love to lodge complaints over little flaws
blaming god for being unfortunate,
dwelling into the past relationships and start being sad.



as for me,some despicable ppl will keep dwelling into my past
insulting me for what i did.
spreading unglam memories of me.
i have tried my best to change in every way.
EVERY SINGLE WAY!
but they never gave me a chance.
sometimes i really hope god could gave me a chance and sent me the power
to erase of their impression of me in the past and give me a new lease of pleasant life and past.



i often live in grieving emotions
but no one ever knows.
every one sees me filled with laughter and joy.
putting up a happy face.
obviously enough i would hope to maintain this impression ppl had of me.



my senses was kindda awaken by this meaningful friend of mine
when out of the question ,sitting infront of me,
he said : i think we're fortunate.
at first i thought it was just a simple sentence escaping from his mouth
but than i thought again
yes.
he was right.
though i lived in fear ,afraid of ppl mentioning rumors of my past,
i thought of those which are thousands times more unfortuanate than me.
i was often discontented with my life
i would frequently felt sense of sadness for no reason
maybe because i suddenly felt lonliness? not because i had no friends. i had.plenty!
what i meant is that though you have them,how many can you lay your sadness,happiness,worries and everything on them ? are they reluctant to hear you out or very willingly ?which one will reach out to you without and conditons paid?you can never know.
but for those who cant even get the chance to see this world ,they can brace themselves up and lived strongly
why cant i ? why cant we ?
if you're mulling and crying over a broken relationship,
think about those mothers that suffered from a miscarriage or even worse,those mother that witness theis child died at birth.
wouldnt their hurt be more excruciating than yours?
wouldnt their tears be more than yours?
its never worth crying over a spilled milk.
although right now im still living in fear of ppl spreading rumors about my past,the fear had slowly subside as time pass.but i knew this fear would never be completely erased.




maybe this friend of mine didnt take this words seriously
or didnt even xpect i would mull over this
i just wanna say.. :
thank you my dear friend! (:

what i hope to tell the world is that :

no matter how down or how hurt you could be ,

always bear in mind that there is someone out there who is thousands,million times more

worse than you do !